Change

When i went out with my dad last night for my birthday he told me that you know if you're having a healthy change in your life when it's a slow process. You don't swing from one end of the pendulum to the next in a heartbeat. That got me thinking of the changes that have happened in my life throughout the past few years. It's obvious on my blog and Facebook that i've changed a lot and am continually changing. It's a journey but sometimes i sit and wonder if maybe i'm going way too far with my changing and want to be different from other people around me. People are quick to judge me based on my appearance and sometimes it does get a bit overwhelming so i get thinking. But last night while i was sipping my cocktail at the restaurant i thought of my life the past few years. The thing about people when they are so quick to judge me is that they don't know about my life. They don't know small details of what it was like living with an abusive dad, having to deal with rejection from a lot of people in my life, they don't know the mental struggles that i've been through while my parents were getting divorced. A lot of people don't know what it's like to be homeless and having to sell a lot of your possessions just to buy food (that situation is improving a lot BTW). They don't know me. But they think they do. They think i'm some crazy girl who is giving into my fleshly lusts and am following the pattern of this world. Compared to how i used to be, yeah, i guess it can look like that.
My physical change is just a sign of the change that is happening on the inside. When i look at old pictures i see a big change and i can now see how when i changed my hair or my dress style or whatever it was kind of a 'sign' of what was going on on the inside.
These are some of the pictures I found (excuse the poor quality in some photos) ...

This is when it all started. I started dressing more modestly even though i was never an immodest girl. But here i started wearing skirts all the time. I was somewhere between 13 and 14.

Here i think i'm 14 and this is when i started wearing head coverings. Can't believe how long my hair was, lol.

My skirt and top length also slowly started getting longer.

Then i started wearing my hair up all the time. I started thinking that it was bad to wear my hair down.

My outfits also got less feminine and 'attention drawing'.

Then i started wearing full head coverings, covering my hair 'n all. Still 14 here. 

I never wore skirts above my ankles or tops above my elbow or below my collar bone. Layers layers layers. It was hellish in summer! I was also wearing the tzitzit.

When i was 15 and my parents got divorced and i started spiraling down my dark path of mental issues i distanced myself away from the internet. I got rid of the head covering. I wear them on special occasions and when i have my quiet time. I still believe that God was leading me to wear the head coverings and skirts and all that but it was only for a season. Also when i started dressing that way it was when my father was really abusive and family drama was flying out the window and i felt myself shrinking away. Me covering myself up so much was probably because on the inside i felt like i needed to protect myself.  

I also started wearing pants 'cause wearing skirts became more impractical. Here i was visiting my extended family while my mom was in Alaska and my cousins decided to dress me up like a tree. 15 here.

When my mom got back from Alaska and we started moving around a lot i was still an emotional wreck and stopped speaking to my dad. I cut my hair, got a fringe and put some highlights in. I was also reading a lot of Leslie Ludy's books and i wanted to dress like her. In a very feminine, girly way. 16 here.

A bit too much pink makeup? Yeah, lol.

I then dyed my hair red ........ a really bad red for my skin tone, lol. Don't even ask about my eyebrows. I have pretty thick, dark eyebrows that i used to pluck but here i guess i felt the need to really really lighten them to match my red hair. Wow ... lol. 17 here and got my nose pierced for the first time.

Still wearing skirts a lot.

Got into my rag curl stage, lol. I don't have thick hair and i wanted thick, curly hair.

Then Taylor Swift's Red album came out and i looooved her style. Tried to mimic it of course. Here a lot of healing was happening in my life. I was studying the Torah through Rico Cortez and Ryan White. Changed my life and whole perspective on God's Word.

Tried to get Taylor Swift's hair do too. 18 here.

 Winter you only care about warmth and comfort. I dyed my hair a darker red and started getting eyebrows again, lol. Also took my nose ring out.

Went back to brown hair colour. My intention was to grow my natural hair colour back. Pierced my nose a second time. Getting my eyebrows back (i stopped plucking them), yaaay.

Then something snapped inside of me. I realized that i've always tried to be like someone else, dress like someone else, act like someone else. I didn't want to be me and therefore i was miserable. God created us all a unique way, we're all different from one another and when you try to squelch who you are, you are going to be depressed and have many 'freak out' moments. Still 18. I decided to take a moment and do what i wanted to do. Dress the way i wanted to dress even if i felt 'bad' doing it because it went against what i've always been taught. But later on a realized that the things that Christianity emphasizes a lot, smoking, drinking, piercings, tattoos, 'unfeminine' style for women were petty things to focus on. So i got dreadlocks! 

Eyebrow piercing. (I only had this for about 3 months).

I wore what i wanted to wear and ignored those feelings of condemnation. It was also about me being who i was personality wise not only dress wise. When your rejected a lot feelings can grow inside that tell you that people reject you 'cause you're not a nice person so it's best to change. But that's wrong on so many levels. So i was trying to own up to being me and ignored people's opinions.

I dyed my hair purple.

But i went back to red, lol. I love red but this time it's a deeper red so i can keep my eyebrows :D. Started becoming a lot happier 'cause i was healing and cleaning out my system of the past.

I realized that yeah, i love jewelry and a more bohemian and grunge style to the very feminine, florals and skirts style. I can't wear skirts anymore (sometimes i do if the style is nice) because it just reminds me of how my life was and what i struggled with. When i put on a skirt the overwhelming feeling of depression comes over me and i don't want to be reminded of what i struggled with in my mind. It's a part of my life that i had to heal from and i have.

19.

I also don't believe in strict modesty anymore. I don't flash myself around but i don't see anything wrong with wearing shorts above the knee or tops showing my upper arm. Modesty made me feel ashamed about my body.

And of course my recent addition, my tattoo. 

I've overcome and conquered a lot of things in my life. I feel like i've been through hell but i know that God was with me every step of the way, using the bad for a good. I'm a completely different person. I'm a stronger person. The only way you can change as a person and grow in character is to grow through hardships and i don't see my mistakes or down moments in life as bad. I see how God used it to mould me into His warrior and to teach me valuable lessons. I wouldn't go back and change a thing even if i could. My life hasn't been peachy and i can't wait for better moments to come when i can see my family happy but i don't hate what i've been through. I am a much happier person now that i feel like i can be me even if it irks people.

8 Months of Dreads

My dreads turn 8 months today. Nothing really new except i think that they have gotten longer. I really hope the shrinking and tightening stage is over so that they can start getting longer in length 'cause i want to take these extensions out but my hair is too short without them and i hate the look of short dreads!

They are getting very thick by the roots so that's good. And when i say thick i mean THICK. Maybe a little too thick.

I've added a few extra beads too. See those cream ones? Yeah. Thanks to my dog getting his claw stuck on my beaded bracelet and therefore breaking it i was able to use those beads on my hair. So it actually worked out, lol.

In this bottom picture you see the short piece sticking out? That's a piece without an extension. They're still lumpy too.

I find it amazing how people are interested by my appearance. It shows how many young girls have dreads ... not that many. So i guess when people see me with 'rasta' hair they're a bit surprised since the desired hair style is soft 'n silky. But I truly feel that dreads match my personality more. Even my mom said that when we saw an old picture of myself without dreads.

Some people ask me if i smoke weed and yeah, i guess that's the stigma that comes with having dreads but i'm not going to get rid of them because of that. When i meet people I let them know who i am and what i stand for to clear the air. 

I am a lot happier though. Despite people feeling the need to tell me i'm a 'heathen' and that i can't possibly be close to God because of a nose ring or a hairstyle. Those people don't bug me anymore. In the past when i was trying to fit in and be like everyone else i was miserable and very insecure but now that i'm doing what makes me happy and expressing myself and being more confident in who i am i find myself laughing more and being able to be more chatty with strangers which never happened before. A lot of people notice a difference. When i meet new people some of them tell me how they like the fact that i'm different one guy told me that he doesn't understand why so many people are afraid of different.. I'm a 'free spirit' (in their own words) and i'm 'down to earth'. I like that. And since there are people out there who like me for me, it makes me happy.

I'm not a freak, i'm not a 'heathen'. I am a simple 18 (19 in 7 days yeah yeah) year old girl trying to figure things out. If i make mistakes don't judge me. Life is about learning and you won't get it right the first time. I refuse to follow a safe formula carved out by millions of others. 

I'm still healing from my past. You don't know what my eyes have seen, what my heart has felt or what my mind has thought. You don't know what my life is like that makes me do what i do. 

So when you see this face: put away judgmental and self-righteous attitudes. I may not be the perfect image of what a 'pure', 'set-apart' follower of YHVH looks like but i'm trying my utmost best to bring glory to God in my life and to care for people around me. Why don't you look past the hair, the piercings and the clothes and look at who i am underneath? Can you try that? Just maybe? 

6 Months of Dreads

These are my dreads at 6 months. I'm still loving them although they're still lumpy.

Just to let everyone know i'm posting more frivolous things lately just because my mind is not in the right place to really write more on the theme of my blog. Being a warrior and all that. I'm just feeling very tired mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But i will get back on my feet hopefully soon. I'll have exciting news to share soon.

Oh yeah, i also dyed my hair a deep purple a month ago.

My camera doesn't really pick it up but, oh well.

Dreadies

I've been wanting to write a blog post for weeks now but i just can't seem to think of something 'deep' to write about so i thought i would write a blog post on dreadlocks. Why i have them, misconceptions and just a general "why they're awesome" post.
I would do a video on this but i'm not able to that at the moment and the sound on my phone camera isn't the best. Hopefully soon i will be able to get a proper camera and then i'll be able to do videos again.

Lets start with the misconceptions on dreadlocks such as "do you wash your hair?" *gasp*.
Yes, i wash my hair. Of course i do, can you imagine never washing your hair? Eeeew. I don't wash my hair as often as i used to but i still wash it. My 'normal' hair is not thin but it's not thick, it's naturally wavy which makes it a bit more high maintenance, maybe it was because of the bleaching that i used to do on my hair that made my waves limp and 'lifeless', but it took a lot of time and effort to get my waves to look like something other than bed hair and even then, i'd go to sleep and wake up the next morning with my hair looking .... terrible. I had to wash my hair every 2nd day and it was beyond frustrating because then i'd spend 30mins in the morning either straightening or curling. I hate spending so much time on my hair.
So now i wash my hair about once a week or every second week. That might still sound gross but since my scalp is used to not getting washed so regularly it doesn't produce as much oil as it used to so i can get away with it. It's a huge relief let me tell you that.

Another misconception is that dreadlocks is a black person hairstyle. Granted, i live in Africa and i only see black people with dreads, i've only seen 2 white people with dreads in my life (and those looked terrible). But honestly, your hair dreading is a natural phenomenon - even for white people.

Another one is that the only way to get dreadlocks is to never wash or brush your hair. Again, not true. As i stated, i wash my hair and never brushing your hair (neglect method) is not the only way to get dreads. It's one way, but it's not the only way.

And the last one that i can think of is that when you want to get rid of your dreads you have to shave your head. My mom always told me this but then i Googled and found that you can comb your dreads out. It will take a really long time depending on how long you've had dreads but it is possible to comb your dreads out.

Moving on to "why i have them" and "why they're awesome".

I have them because i'm a very creative person. My style is very bohemian and having dreads kind of completes that look for me, that sort of wild, untamed look. You can put beads on them and wrap yarn around them etc. Headbands just look better with dreads and they just look plain awesome. They're extremely low maintenance and everyday is a great hair day. No more freaking out if your hair isn't doing what it wants you to do one day, no more having to spend a long time in the morning styling your hair. All you do is wake up and BAM. Done.

I am not a Rastafarian and i am not some hippie freak. I know that you get some weirdos out there who are into the whole nature worship thing that have dreadlocks because it "draws them closer to nature" ... i am not that person. I have dreads because i like it and not for some 'spiritual' reason. Some people think that dreadlocks do have some bad spiritual meaning to it and that's fine, each to his own i guess. The way i see it is that dreadlocks are natural. If you don't brush your hair for a long period of time your hair will naturally form dreads. It's God created. Now some people can take something that's natural and twist for their own sick reasons but that doesn't mean that it's inherently evil. Take animals for example. Owls, elephants, cats etc. are worshiped by some people but those animals are a natural, God created creation. I used to avoid wearing anything with owls because of the 'meaning' behind it and the fact that some people worship it (just look at Bohemian grove) but then i realized that it's an animal that God created. It's not evil.

An example of 'lumpy' dreads

Will i ever get rid of my dreads? Right now i'm saying a loud, definitive NO! I can't imagine getting rid of them because i can not imagine going back to high maintenance hair. I won't always have some electrical appliance on me to fix my hair. Dreads also takes a lot of time and patience to form. You don't just make your dreads one day and they're all of suddenly perfect. No, it takes months and months for them to start neatening up. I've had mine for 6 months and they're still lumpy and, as one guy in the mall told me, they're 'fluffy'. Just Google timelines and you'll see how long it takes for dreads to form so if I decide to chop them off in a few months it almost seems like a waste. All that time and patience down the drain.

What method did i use? You get many different methods out there, neglect, back combing, crocheting, twist n' rip (I've heard someone dip their hair in Sprite and palm roll, can i hear an EEEEEW?). After doing a lot of research and experimenting on my hair i decided that the twist n' rip method was the easiest. I did do my dreads myself. Some people go to professionals but i don't think that's necessary. I hate people fiddling with my hair because it never turns out the way i hoped it would.

I don't do anything to my hair now. No wax, no palm rolling, nothing. I'm just leaving it and letting my hair do it's thing.

How did i decide to get dreads? I actually didn't think about it for very long. Maybe a few days. I was getting fed up with my hair so one day i was on Pinterest and typed in 'Bohemian hair' and found this picture:

When i saw these dreads i was amazed and then started looking at more pictures of dreads. I always thought that dreads looked like this:

EEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!

But i realized that they can actually look really really pretty like this:

For more pics you can check out my Pinterest board - Da Dreads

Style Ideas

I love bohemian fashion.

Very creative.

Very unconventional.

Very pretty.

Most bohemian clothes are also modest because of the flowy fabric.

This girl i found while Googling 'red dreadlocks' and i was quite surprised to see her outfits.

So lovely in my opinion. 

And of course i'm in love with her hair too.

I like looking at fashion on Pinterest because it gives me ideas so i know what to look for when shopping because items of clothing by itself you might not think to wear but when it's put together with other items it can go together very nicely.

I never thought of rolling up some pants and making them into shorts like these, add stockings underneath and some boots but it's actually quite a nice idea.

I'm a huge lover of harem pants like these ^^^ but i thought you could only wear them in summer but it works for winter too.

Who said dreads can't be feminine?

I'd have the top longer but i like the idea of the socks with the boots.

I love red dreadlocks. There seems to be something mythical about it. But that's just me, lol.

When i am able i will dye my hair red. I used to be red but went back to brown when i put my dreads in thinking that you're not able to dye your hair with dreads but apparently you can. I miss my red hair.

Here in South Africa we have a limited amount of red hair dye. I look at the dyes in America and see all the lovely natural red looking dyes but you don't get those here. I like natural copper red not ruby red. But the  colour that i had before washes out very quickly so i have to put on a more vibrant colour so the colour can last longer. 

It will probably turn out like this.

Gorgeous in my opinion *big smile*!