More Lessons Well Learned

In one of my previous blog post i wrote about the lessons that i've been learning during this hard time in my life. Well, i've learnt some more that i'd like to share with you guys.

1: Don't get attached to earthly belongings.
I know that this is the normal 'Christian' thing to say. Don't store up earthly belongings, store up treasures in heaven, etc. Well, it's not about that. My life hasn't been stable lately and i actually prefer my life like this. Constantly moving, constantly learning. And through this i've learned to not get attached to any area or any belongings, besides your real personal things. 'Cause i never know when i'll lose it all. That happened a few weeks ago. We gave away all our furniture, it was unplanned but it was necessary and something that i knew God wanted us to do.
So don't get attached 'cause you never know if you can lose it all the next day.

2: Admit it when you're feeling weak.
Wanting to be a warrior and wanting to be strong and all that jazz is great but you can become so obsessed with being strong that you don't give yourself room to feel. I hate weakness and cowardice, it's the one trait that i detest (to an extent), so when i detect any form of weakness in myself i get a little worried and try to push it away. But sometimes, admitting that you're feeling a little weak at a certain point in your life, can also be strength. It takes strength to humble yourself before God and some one else and admit that you're not handling life too well.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Yeshua's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Yeshua’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

3: Help the needy.

Deuteronomy 15:11 - For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command you, saying, You shall open your hand wide unto your brother, to your poor, and to your needy, in your land.

Proverbs 19:17 - He that has pity upon the poor lends unto YHVH; and that which he hath given will He pay him again.

Most people when they read these verses think that the 'needy' are only starving children in third world countries. But that's not true. A needy person can be your next door neighbour. We need to help our own first before we help other people and i find it pretty hypocritical when people send money to 3rd world orphanages but they can't go out of there way to help a person next to them. It's a commandment to take care of one another. I've learned all about this in Ryan White's teaching on Justice and Righteousness. Helping those in need is a huge deal in God's eyes and if you turn a blind eye to those who are needing help and you are able to help, then God's judgement will come down on you.
Just the other day we were needing help and this Christian man was able to help us but he wouldn't. We needed a place to stay and he had a place but he wouldn't let us stay because he and everybody else in his family were going on holiday. I was so mad .... so mad. He was putting more importance on his stupid holiday than on helping a family who was in need. But now on Sunday he will go and sit in church and praise God.
That's why i struggle with Christians. So many of them are so damn hypocritical.

I am learning so much and one day when i am able to help other people, i want to go out of my way to help my fellow man. I want to cancel a holiday if i can help a family who needs food and a roof over their heads and not put my silly needs first. Is it better to help a family get back on their feet by offering your home to them? Or to be selfish and go and chill on a beach with a drink in your hand?

Style Ideas

I love bohemian fashion.

Very creative.

Very unconventional.

Very pretty.

Most bohemian clothes are also modest because of the flowy fabric.

This girl i found while Googling 'red dreadlocks' and i was quite surprised to see her outfits.

So lovely in my opinion. 

And of course i'm in love with her hair too.

I like looking at fashion on Pinterest because it gives me ideas so i know what to look for when shopping because items of clothing by itself you might not think to wear but when it's put together with other items it can go together very nicely.

I never thought of rolling up some pants and making them into shorts like these, add stockings underneath and some boots but it's actually quite a nice idea.

I'm a huge lover of harem pants like these ^^^ but i thought you could only wear them in summer but it works for winter too.

Who said dreads can't be feminine?

I'd have the top longer but i like the idea of the socks with the boots.

I love red dreadlocks. There seems to be something mythical about it. But that's just me, lol.

When i am able i will dye my hair red. I used to be red but went back to brown when i put my dreads in thinking that you're not able to dye your hair with dreads but apparently you can. I miss my red hair.

Here in South Africa we have a limited amount of red hair dye. I look at the dyes in America and see all the lovely natural red looking dyes but you don't get those here. I like natural copper red not ruby red. But the  colour that i had before washes out very quickly so i have to put on a more vibrant colour so the colour can last longer. 

It will probably turn out like this.

Gorgeous in my opinion *big smile*!

Lessons Well Learned

The past few weeks have been super hectic, super strenuous, super tense and super stressful. God's plans are rarely ever our plans and that was once again proven these past few weeks. If future plans are running too smoothly, something's wrong.

God usually takes you on a roller coaster ride that you did not foresee ... or want but later on you realize that that was the best thing to happen to you 'cause you've grown as a person and God has taught you some pretty valuable lessons.
I won't go into my story right now ... maybe later on but right now i'm going to share with you the lessons i've learnt from this hard hard time.

1: When people get squeezed their true nature comes out. 
During this time a lot of people around us have been squeezed and pushed to the very limit and it's interesting to see the different reactions from different people. Is it weakness? Or strength? Do you start blaming other people, making them feel lesser as a person? Or do you, even though it's tough, show kindness to other people and encourage them that all's going to be ok? Does bitterness or love pour out of you? Do you draw closer to God and see this as part of His plan? Or do you grow hard and start resenting Him?
I've been the witness of seeing some people during this time spew out bitterness and hate and other people pouring out love and kindness. It's amazing.
You need to make sure that even though you get pushed to the point where you feel you can't carry on, you grow from your experiences and when you come out the other side, you're a better, stronger person.

2: Idolizing the Jews is a dead end street.
I know a lot of people when they start following the Torah tend to look up at the Jews a little too much. Of course you'll admire them a little but when you become obsessed with wanting to be just like them and then later on convert to Judaism, you know you've gone too far. God really opened my eyes to this 'cause i was starting to get depressed because i thought the Jews were more special than me and had some sort of special connection to God but it's not true. They have the foundation, the Torah but even with that they've added so many fences that following the Torah no longer becomes a way for you to draw closer to YHVH but just a set of rules and laws that you do simply because you're born Jewish. When Yeshua is out of the picture a lot of things change. I read the Rabbi's Daughter and that opened my eyes to Chasidic Judaism.
*NOTE: The Rabbi's Daughter is a very graphic book so please take care if you are interested in reading it.

3: Will you trust God no matter what?
Even when it looks like He's abandoned you? Will you still hold onto Him and never let go?
YES! Don't let anything separate you from God.

4: No matter what always remember who you are and who God wants you to be.
A lot of people will judge you if you're different. If you go against the mould. If you think for yourself. If you question things. They'll judge your relationship with God, they'll look down on you. You just have to ignore those people, study the Word of God and see the difference between what's written in there and what's other people's opinions. Know who God made you to be and stick with that.

5: Not everyone sees you the way you see yourself.
I've struggled with major self-worth/self-confidence issues in my life. I'm a very quiet, introverted person and other people never fail to remind me of that fact. It gets really irritating because i hear it all the time. So in my mind i feel like people get irritated with me 'cause i'm not like my older brother who's very charismatic and extroverted. So whenever i meet people i keep my distance 'cause i don't need another person to tell me that i'm shy and quiet. But the other day my mom went to the hairdresser for a free blow and cut. The woman who always does my mom's hair is a good acquaintance of ours. We've gotten together a few times. Of course i wasn't actively a part of our get together's, I always sit and listen and observe always thinking that no one thinks anything of me. But when my mom was at the hairdresser and i was stuck at home with my allergies flaring up the hairdresser told my mom of how, even though i'm quiet, i strike her as some one who's strong, quietly strong. She says my quietness is strength.
That took me by surprise and made me realize that other people see me differently than the way i view myself.

6: Don't plan too far into the future.
Take one day at a time. Since i'm going to be 19 soon i thought that i will have to start making plans for my future. Obviously getting married and starting a family is at the top of my list but only God knows when that will happen and i can't sit around waiting for that day for years. I have to start doing something with my life. So a lot of things were running through my mind of what i could possibly do or study. The 2 things that i was leaning towards were going to tie me down for 3-4 years. I was all excited at first but then after a while i started feeling very uneasy and nervous about tying myself down like that for 4 years since my life hasn't exactly been very stable.
So i'm just going to have to continue praying about this and if God really wants me to do this specific thing then He's going to have to tell me loud and clear but my plans aren't always His plans. It's God's will that will ultimately prevail if you truly follow Him.

7: Brave men don't panic in the face of danger.
A quote from a book i was reading. When things start turning too fast, don't panic, be brave.

8: Always remember God's promises.

And then just a really frivolous one -

9: Learn now, for *the* final time, to not eat things that you are allergic to.
I'm lactose intolerant. I can eat butter but other dairy products if i eat too much of it my nose gets blocked and if i carry on eating dairy products things get worse. But now my body has told me that it now doesn't like the best mayo in the world, Hellmans. I just woke up yesterday feeling cold all over, i had sore throat, a massive headache and whenever i stood up i felt nauseous and faint. Who knew mayo could do this? But i took some allergy medication that a friend gave me, little did i know that it would knock me out till the next morning. I never take strong medication so my body obviously just KOed. But i woke up this morning feeling a lot better except for my neck muscles being in utter pain right now that i can't turn my head properly.
*sigh*. I never learn. But c'mon, dairy is awesome. Yoghurt, cheese, milk ... it's hard to say no to all of that good stuff.

New Piercing//Dreadlock Update

About 3 weeks ago i got my eyebrow pierced. It's so awesome i love it so much.

Why did i get it?

 'Cause i like it and i wanted it.

 It wasn't actually painful at all, seriously, i hardly felt it. My nose ring hurt more and it didn't even sting, just a slight pressure feeling and that was it. I was so incredibly nervous before i got it done that i was contemplating not getting it at all. I got it done horizontally instead of the popular vertical angle 'cause the horizontal looks more feminine to me. The vertical looks more masculine and punky and i didn't want that. I like looking different and unique but at the same time i still want to look like a normal human being and not some tacky, cheap weirdo.
My mom loves it too.

I don't have a lot of piercings. Just an eyebrow, nose and double ear lobe. I'm not a huge fan of my ear piercings. They just seen so dull so in the future i might get different ones done. In more rare, different places. Like a rook or tragus.

Anyway, now for my dreadlocks. I've had them for about 3 months now and they're forming quite nicely. My hair's quite thin (i don't know if naturally or if it's from the bleaching i used to do) so i do add a few clip in pieces to add more thickness. I hate the look of thin dreads. 

I don't put too many beads in. I don't like having a lot of colourful beads in my hair so i opt for the more neutral colours. I don't buy any special dreadlock beads 'cause they can be pricey so i buy beads from bead shops and then i sometimes take the beads off of some of my bracelets, make the hole bigger with a knife and then slide it on. Cool huh?

Some people judge me because of my appearance. I'm not 'set-apart' enough looking or i'm not very feminine because i don't wear skirts all the time and i just happen to like wearing a bit of makeup. I know who i am. I spent 4 years trying to be some one that i'm not. I was into the long skirts, no makeup, headcovering stage and it's great for some people. It's not a commandment by YHVH to dress a certain way. Modesty is important, not for guys but for yourselves. To respect yourself and show the world that you are different. 

God made me this way. He made me the tomboy/bohemian person that i am who likes to look different to everyone else. I don't have be accepted by anyone for God to accept me. Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. He knows my heart. He knows how much i want to be His warrior and to please Him. He knows how much i love His Word. And that's enough.

It's not about measuring up to other people's standards.

So hate me, love me. 

I'm me.

Moving Again!

So, at the end of this month we'll be moving again. Things are at crunch time right now as we still don't have a deposit down on a house yet and we practically have a week left to get everything sorted.
The past few weeks my mom and i sat down and have been searching for homes and out of the whole of Joburg only 3 homes were available when we needed it and had the right amount of rooms and space.

Today we went looking at the homes. We started off with one that was very nice inside but was in a not so kosher area. We arrived earlier than the estate agent so i stepped out of the car to see what the house from the outside looked like. It looked a little creepy, lol. The walls painted red with the roof all dark and birds sitting on the roof. Ever since i was little i always imagined haunted houses with birds perched on the roofs. Walking inside was even more creepy. The kitchen was very nicely done, all sunny and white but walk into the other room and everything goes dark. Most of the house was decorated with dark wood and even the stairs leading to the upper part of the house was dark and creaky. It was cold and echoey. It was also pretty big and we wouldn't have the furniture to fill it all so i can just imagine at night with the wind howling (we wouldn't have enough curtains to cover all the windows) and floors creaking ...... nooooooo. Even my mom was a little freaked out. I was just chuckling towards the end 'cause my mom and i were thinking of how my older, yes OLDER, brother would cope with living in a house like this. He plays spooky, scary video games and i've had a few good times giving him frights, intentional and unintentional. One night he opened his door just as i was about to knock so i had my fist in the air and when he saw me in the dark room he freaked out, swore and stumbled onto his bed. I couldn't stop laughing after that. You know that laughter when you struggle to breath? Yeah, lol. I needed that.
So, obviously, we weren't too keen on that house.

Onto the next one.

The second house was in a complex ... very Jewish area which i like 'cause Jewish areas always seem safe and clean. The Realtor was all friendly with us 'cause as we all know, Jews are extra friendly to fellow Jews and even though we aren't Jewish, he thought we were due to my mom's Hebrew name, Shoshannah. We all loved that house. We just know that that one is 'the one'. We tried to see it sooner but just were never able to and when the Realtor said he had 8 other people interested, we kinda gave up hope. But my mom's heart was really set on that house so she prayed that if those 8 people aren't interested then she'll know it's the house that God wants us to be in. And low and behold, 8 people saw it and 8 people didn't want it.
I loved that house due to the double story design (i've always wanted to live in a double story house) and the huge windows letting the wonderful sun in. The rooms were a nice size too, the master bedroom had a huge walk in closet and balcony, pretty awesome. It's also a few blocks from the King David Shul.

The 3rd house was also in a very Jewish, boomed off area. Nice house but very very cold due to the tiles that are in every.single.room. Who does that? What's so cozy about tiles in the bedrooms? Ugh.
So it was a cross for that one too.

It seems like the townhouse is the one for us. I'm super excited to move to a different area, different surroundings, different people, different malls. Different.

We'll probably stay in this house 6 months to a year and then after that we'll have to see. I'm just praying that God will draw me closer to Him as i'm still trying to deal with a lot of mental issues and depression. But i know one day this will all disappear. God will give me what i need in His timing. I just need to keep renewing my mind.

I wanted to do a video for my YT channel and i had one recorded but then our internet went down and when i watched my video over i realized that i didn't say everything that i wanted to. This next week will probably be busy and i don't know when i'll be able to upload another video. It might be a few weeks as we'll have to get the internet set up in our new house and i don't know how long that will take.

I hope everyone has a great day and a great Shavuot soon.

Shalom
xoxo

Counting the Omer

*Sorry for the bad quality. I will hopefully be getting a better camera soon.

Hope you enjoy!

No Regrets

This is my philosophy in life.

I look back in my life and i can honestly say that i don't regret anything in my life.

Before, i would regret some things because ... well, they were stupid mistakes and i should regret them because, maybe i would be a different person today. One that's not so damaged.

But now i think, no. Those decisions don't define who i am today. They've taught me lessons, they've made me stronger, and they've made me who i am today.

And through my mistakes, i am hopefully able to help other people in the future who have made the same mistakes.