Thursday, June 27, 2013

"I'm the King of the Castle"?

The other day my family and I were bored so we decided to go for a drive to a golf course estate called Eye of Africa. We couldn't just drive in because of the intense security so we had to ask 'permission' from the office. I was waiting in the car with Sebastian. Little Man was trying to suck the window (11 month old babies want to lick everything, lol), so I don't know exactly what went on but we landed up sitting in the realtor's big car. I might add that we arrived in our little light blue Taz with rust on it and dust everywhere so you can imagine what the realtor thought, why on earth are we looking at houses in this prestige estate when we can't even afford a nice, decent car? So we hopped into his car where you feel like your riding on a cloud: can't hear the engine and can't feel the road beneath you.
He took us around this estate, explaining the architecture (apparently it's euro-afro), telling us about the plants (they're 'one with nature' there) and of course all the rich and successful people that live there. He was explaining in his British accent about how, "So-and-so are very successful. So-and-so runs a very successful company. So-and-so is the cousin of some South African celebrity (be impressed people). This man here just bought a R2.3 million Ferrari. This man's house is worth R23.3 million: the chandelier comes down for cleaning, indoor and outdoor pool with gym, cinema with 7 plush seats (he had to add that for what reason I'm not sure), disco floor and this decoration on the side of the house sparkles at night."

So we're driving through this estate with this British man telling us about the success of everyone here, how many rich and 'famous' people live here. He was explaining the intense security and how they have to scan your finger in order to enter the premises. (hmmmm ...)

The whole time I was thinking of how I would die slowly in a place like this. The only thing that impressed me was the gorgeous view but the realtor was going on and on and on about the 'success' of everyone who lives here and how much money they've invested into their house and how he's very good friends with the CEO of Kellogg's in South Africa.

Meanwhile there's an orphanage not far from here who could really do with some money but all these people are just spending it on themselves. Wasting their lives. They're building there homes on sand and when something happens and they lose everything ... what will they have? Nothing. 99.9% of the time their friends would leave them and most of these couples don't have children.

It made me realize the fleeting lusts of this world. How from such a young age we're told to go to a college or university ... for what? To have a good job so that you can pay your bills? So that you can have a big house and nice car? And then at the end of your life what do you have to show for it? Nothing but the fact that you have a lot of money in your bank account.

That's the difference between God's system and the cursed system of this world. God says He's our provider but the thing that I find with Christianity a lot of the time is that they distance God from their problems. They pray about it, sure, but they still have to do it in their own strength. But God provides supernaturally and most of the time He'll always take you to the edge of the cliff where it looks impossible but then that way He shows His amazing strength and power ... through impossibility.

We have to change systems and governments. The Torah isn't just writing on paper, it's a law, it's a constitution where it tells you how to live when you're in God's Kingdom. Just like countries have laws for the people that live there.

So my mission in life is to constantly switch governments. Where I'm trusting God for everything that I need, even the things that aren't necessities but you know what? YHVH cares about those things too.

I'd much rather live in a little small house in a place where I'm useful, where I can help people rather than live in a big house with a fancy car and have loads of friends around me who really don't care about me. God has stripped me of all that and right now the people who are beside me and truly care about me are my family. I don't have friends that I can hang out with on the weekends. My one true best friend is my mom (beside God). We don't have a big fancy house worth millions. But we still have a house that we rent where everyone is comfortable with 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms plus a cottage for Evelyn. We don't have a big car, we drive a little rust bucket Taz. But i'm so much happier now than I ever was before. Because I know that this is only the desert. Where God has taken us out of the pagan nations, is stripping us of all we have known (literally), and removing the Egypt from our hearts and yes it's can be very hard but that's where God tests us and sees where our faith is. Where we turn when we see the waves around us.

Will we fear the waves? Have more faith in the strength of the enemy and the world and forget to see YHVH walking on the waves ... holding out His hand for us to take it?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Feminine But Strong

Growing up, I loved climbing trees, wearing my brother's hand-me-downs, and ruffing it in the bushes and playing with plastic weapons and pretending to be this super woman who could save the world. But there was also the girly side of me who loved dressing up in princess, frilly dresses with plastic earrings and shoes with sparkles on. I would lay out my Barbie dolls in a neat circle and have a tea party with them (that was when Barbie dolls were the pretty princesses and not these Bratz you get nowadays). Growing up every girl dreams of being a princess and I believe that's a God given desire. We are meant to be women, not men but that doesn't mean being a woman locked up in your tower and only knowing how to cook, sew and raise children. God created us for much more and I truly believe that religion destroys a part of a woman.
When I started realizing the truth of the Torah I would read blogs on girls folding piles of laundry, scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms. I thought that's what I had to do and be to please God. Be plain, never cut your hair, don't wear colour, don't wear makeup and only wear skirts down to your ankels. I think back and remember the piles of clothes I threw away, all my jewelry, everything that was remotely immodest in my opinion.

I can't remember what happened that made me change. But I look back and remember how miserable I was on the inside. Religion squashes you and pushes you into a cookie mold where there's only one way to dress, one way to act, and when it comes to women .... oh boy!

I fell into that mold. I wanted to do something huge in my life. I didn't want to only be home having children and cooking dinner for my husband. I wanted to go out and make a difference, change lives. I wanted to be a missionary, I wanted to travel to a rural village and help with the orphans but some of the blogs I read told me that a woman's place is at home and it's only a very rare occasion where God would call a woman to be anywhere but at home. I felt like I had to be some one that I was not. I wanted to conquer, I wanted to fight but how does that fit into being a homemaker? Praise God that I didn't flop a cake and that's my victory for the day? Yay!

I can't remember how I changed but over 1 year my view started changing. When my parents got divorced I went through a hard time, struggling with so much, feeling depressed most of the time. I wasn't close to God, but at the same time I could feel Him there.

I am not the same girl I was a year ago. I still battle with a lot of those thoughts of having to be a certain way and struggling with the feelings that I must be like some one else to please God.
My one desire in life is to please YHVH and bring glory to Him and so looking at all these people around me who sounded like they had it all figured out and them saying 'this is what God says' I thought I had to be like that to draw closer to Him.

But God is calling me away from that. Yeah I wear pants, yeah I wear make-up. Does that mean i'm not pure? No. Does that mean God sees me as lesser to the girl who only wears skirts? No. I'm just as special. I'm unique and i'm tired of trying to be like everyone else and so i'm starting this blog to document and show everyone who God made me and how He's continually molding me into His image.

I ain't perfect, I fall. But God always picks me up, dusts me off, hands me my sword and we go into battle together.

I'm still a woman. I still want to get married, have children of my own one day but that doesn't mean I have to be on a farm in a secure place where I can go through my day cleaning and cooking peacefully.

God has called me to be a warrior. For what reason ... I don't know. He put the desire in my heart 2 years ago to fight for Israel. To fight for His Torah and not 'love' those that defy and willfully rebel against Him! You don't see David praying and loving Goliath. Rather, while everyone else was wimping out and shaking behind their shields David stepped forward and said, "Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine."!

I'm praying everyday that God will make me like David, a woman after His own heart. One who doesn't wimp out but steps forward and says that I will go and fight whoever defies Israel, the Torah, and the name of YHVH!

We all must stand up and be warriors! Be warriors for God!

And so my conclusion is this: Yes, you can be feminine but still a warrior. I love wearing skirts and frills and wearing my hair in curls with pearl earrings. I love drinking tea in quaint tea cups while reading Jane Austen. I love caring for my family. I want to be a mom and wife and respect my husband's authority as the man of the house, be it in Israel with a war going on, be it in any situation. I will always choose God's calling for my life over anyone and anything else.

And with that, I will leave you with this quote!