Feminine But Strong

Growing up, I loved climbing trees, wearing my brother's hand-me-downs, and ruffing it in the bushes and playing with plastic weapons and pretending to be this super woman who could save the world. But there was also the girly side of me who loved dressing up in princess, frilly dresses with plastic earrings and shoes with sparkles on. I would lay out my Barbie dolls in a neat circle and have a tea party with them (that was when Barbie dolls were the pretty princesses and not these Bratz you get nowadays). Growing up every girl dreams of being a princess and I believe that's a God given desire. We are meant to be women, not men but that doesn't mean being a woman locked up in your tower and only knowing how to cook, sew and raise children. God created us for much more and I truly believe that religion destroys a part of a woman.
When I started realizing the truth of the Torah I would read blogs on girls folding piles of laundry, scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms. I thought that's what I had to do and be to please God. Be plain, never cut your hair, don't wear colour, don't wear makeup and only wear skirts down to your ankels. I think back and remember the piles of clothes I threw away, all my jewelry, everything that was remotely immodest in my opinion.

I can't remember what happened that made me change. But I look back and remember how miserable I was on the inside. Religion squashes you and pushes you into a cookie mold where there's only one way to dress, one way to act, and when it comes to women .... oh boy!

I fell into that mold. I wanted to do something huge in my life. I didn't want to only be home having children and cooking dinner for my husband. I wanted to go out and make a difference, change lives. I wanted to be a missionary, I wanted to travel to a rural village and help with the orphans but some of the blogs I read told me that a woman's place is at home and it's only a very rare occasion where God would call a woman to be anywhere but at home. I felt like I had to be some one that I was not. I wanted to conquer, I wanted to fight but how does that fit into being a homemaker? Praise God that I didn't flop a cake and that's my victory for the day? Yay!

I can't remember how I changed but over 1 year my view started changing. When my parents got divorced I went through a hard time, struggling with so much, feeling depressed most of the time. I wasn't close to God, but at the same time I could feel Him there.

I am not the same girl I was a year ago. I still battle with a lot of those thoughts of having to be a certain way and struggling with the feelings that I must be like some one else to please God.
My one desire in life is to please YHVH and bring glory to Him and so looking at all these people around me who sounded like they had it all figured out and them saying 'this is what God says' I thought I had to be like that to draw closer to Him.

But God is calling me away from that. Yeah I wear pants, yeah I wear make-up. Does that mean i'm not pure? No. Does that mean God sees me as lesser to the girl who only wears skirts? No. I'm just as special. I'm unique and i'm tired of trying to be like everyone else and so i'm starting this blog to document and show everyone who God made me and how He's continually molding me into His image.

I ain't perfect, I fall. But God always picks me up, dusts me off, hands me my sword and we go into battle together.

I'm still a woman. I still want to get married, have children of my own one day but that doesn't mean I have to be on a farm in a secure place where I can go through my day cleaning and cooking peacefully.

God has called me to be a warrior. For what reason ... I don't know. He put the desire in my heart 2 years ago to fight for Israel. To fight for His Torah and not 'love' those that defy and willfully rebel against Him! You don't see David praying and loving Goliath. Rather, while everyone else was wimping out and shaking behind their shields David stepped forward and said, "Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine."!

I'm praying everyday that God will make me like David, a woman after His own heart. One who doesn't wimp out but steps forward and says that I will go and fight whoever defies Israel, the Torah, and the name of YHVH!

We all must stand up and be warriors! Be warriors for God!

And so my conclusion is this: Yes, you can be feminine but still a warrior. I love wearing skirts and frills and wearing my hair in curls with pearl earrings. I love drinking tea in quaint tea cups while reading Jane Austen. I love caring for my family. I want to be a mom and wife and respect my husband's authority as the man of the house, be it in Israel with a war going on, be it in any situation. I will always choose God's calling for my life over anyone and anything else.

And with that, I will leave you with this quote!